I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
