I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
