This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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