I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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