Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
