i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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