Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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