Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
