I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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