My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
