Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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