You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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