I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
