she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
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Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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