everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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