I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm getting married
To pizza
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
