Apparently you make a good broom.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....