if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.