Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question