Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
this hospital has no fireball
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence