Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.