i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.