How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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