Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
