wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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