I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
