You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
