We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I smell stomach acid.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
