Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
