i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
