I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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