so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
