people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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