She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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