i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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