You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
