i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
