he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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