Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
