God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
