don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
