@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
