The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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