Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
