Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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