I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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