i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
