Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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