Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Your dad touched me again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
