I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
