she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
