This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i came on her dog
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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