Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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