what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
