Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
