You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
