The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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