She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
