We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
