I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
