My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We are all done wearing pants today
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
