I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
