Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
