I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
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you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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