Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
