in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
