pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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