You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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