I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
