i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
