Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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