That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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