worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
