just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
