Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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